Monday, 22 August 2011

Relationship Conundrums

I always read stories about the female quest for perfection in the media. You know the sort: Lose that baby weight; pressure to look gorgeous at the school gate; pushy mothers and competition to look the best at work/party/gym and it made me wonder where all the honesty has gone?
My main wonderment is over relationships. Over the past couple of months, I have become increasingly aware of some of my girlfriend's omitting information from their relationship gossip/woes - until they are drunk OR I offer up some snippet of information first.
I mean, when you're younger you talk crap to all and sundry and every row is the epitome of the end of the earth and you cry for hours into your pillow, bitch with your girls and kiss and make-up over a dinner at a Beefeater chain restaurant. It seems, as we have got older we are reluctant to discuss these woes as openly - "life's fine - you know, the usual. Kids at school and one's in a play and the other made a painting..." bla bla bla.
YES, but what about you?
So when a friend starts flirting with an old boyfriend on Facebook and some others pour out the details of a row, it made me question what prompted the out pour?
It seems that so many of us in our 20's and 30's are so keen to ensure we look like we have made something of our lives that the basic need to share is being kept in and bottled up, leading to a mammoth burst over a glass of vino.
As a serial divulger, I know I like to talk. I rarely share any negatives and this made me look at my own behaviour. I rarely row with boy, but sometimes I feel the need to vent. perhaps it was over something silly, but as soon the unusual negative comes out of my mouth, a little light goes off somewhere and the sharing begins. I think the learning here is to attempt to share something little, often as this could be the signal your friend needs to talk about something that could be troubling her. The friend flirting on facebook has always said she likes her own time and she respects that her hubby works a lot. In actual fact she was feeling overwhelmed with her children and feeling lonely, isolated and unloved. She has given little snippets on these prior to the big chat, but said she felt she couldn't talk to anyone as more often that not, the response from others was: 'why are you complaining?' You have a big house, nice cars, holiday once or twice a year and a man who loves you' - leaving her feeling ashamed and confused. They both work hard for what they have, but the increased hours apart from her man and negativity from other 'friends' (I suspect school-gate, slightly jealous mummies) left her in a small hole with no-one to talk to and she did not deserve that treatment.
I think, perhaps, we need to get talking and accept, no-one is perfect and be realistic - no-one knows what goes on behind closed doors - even more reason we shouldn't judge.

Care and share - that's my motto for the timebeing.

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